Every year, we have our ancient boiler serviced. Every year, we are warned that we could die in our kitchen from Toxic Fumes; that we have inadequate ventilation, and are At Risk. And when the boiler has been serviced, a little sign is appended to it which reads: DO NOT USE THIS APPLIANCE (??). Sometimes, they remove the door from the ancient cat flap (we have no cat) to provide ventilation and are told that if we replace it, no-one will know (nudge, wink). And then we are advised to buy a new boiler.
A nice man from the gas board came this morning to advise. He talked of flues, and neighbours, and water drainage and "the issue of products in the property". What did that mean? we asked. Gas leaks, he said. Ah. I see. And of course, if we do have a new boiler, we would have to get permission from the listed buildings people because of outside flues etc. etc. etc.
We lost the will to listen, be interested, even CARE.
We are not going to buy a new boiler. I'd prefer to die together, peacefully, in the kitchen.
(And if you've actually read all this, you deserve a medal.)